we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Panties = found
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
