last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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