Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
