Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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