So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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