rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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