i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ttyl tear gas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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