we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
