So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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