i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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