Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
