"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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