Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
