you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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