I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
