I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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