My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize