Dude my mom stole all your condoms
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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