i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
