I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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