I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
