You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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