dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
