yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
