Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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