I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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