I'm gonna have a badass scar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
