So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
