I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
