i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
