What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
