i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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