dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
