Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
