He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
