She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
