i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
