fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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