sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
