true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just invented taco cereal.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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