I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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