it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
