Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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