I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
