i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She bit a glass in half.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
