I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
