Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.