you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.