Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
