The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
