so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize