I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
