i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
