I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
