I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
