I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
