This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
