i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
