You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
