just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
