in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
