That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
