never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
