And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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