You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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