Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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