The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
