I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
