remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
