no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
