I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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