Plan B is the new Plan A
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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