Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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