he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
