Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
